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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24272779">My Dear...</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBatMary/pseuds/TheBatMary'>TheBatMary</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Video Game: Red Dead Redemption 2 (2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 00:14:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>773</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24272779</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBatMary/pseuds/TheBatMary</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Karen Jones has fallen into a dark vortex from which she cannot emerge. But she has to tell someone how she feels, where she got there. Who better than Tilly can listen to it ... or better read it?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Karen Jones/Sean MacGuire, Tilly Jackson/Karen Jones</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

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<a name="section0001"><h2>My Dear...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A letter, an outlet, another very introspective first-person story.</p><p>Sorry for my BAD...BAD English!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dear...</p><p>Oh my God, I don't know who to dedicate this letter, perhaps to you…my sweet Tilly, the only one who never gave up on me, and I never understood why. I think I have arrived, you know? No, don’t do your usual expression between the disappointed and the irritated, if not you look like that rotten pear of Miss Grimshaw. How much I hated her, you know how much I hated her! So don’t do it, don’t look my words with "I knew Karen, I knew it, I warned you!". Just accept it, I have arrived and I waited  for it. Especially after Sean ... what great Irish motherfucker!</p><p>These are not tears that stain the sheet, except if they are yours, in this case don’t be stupid. You know, I hated him too. He made me believe that I was special, he made me believe that he was special, and above all he made me believe that he was immortal, like everything in our life. We were timeless as and without rules, we lived like in a separate land, outside of the current one. How can you define it? Certainly not heaven, it was more like hell in the end, but it was pleasant. At least, it was for me, the most heavenly hell I had ever known, and I have seen many hells. The hell that I'm living now is the most painful and darkest of all. In fact, now that I have arrived, I am not afraid, I’m somehow relieved: nothing of what there’s after, if there’s really an after, can be more atrocious than what I am feeling in this precise moment. Relax and stop sniffing, you're strong! The strongest of all of us women, like Miss Adler or Abigail. You’re small, pretty, delicate, but inside a panther. I've always envied you for this ...</p><p>Instead I just wanted to be someone else, that's why I wanted to act, to become a famous actress! How much I wanted to escape from myself. In the gang I could do it, I could be whoever I wanted or wanted you, it was awesome ... wasn't it? But I got stuck, I don't know if in my real self or in the self that I had pretended to recreate or in what the group had imposed on me. I only know that I was wearing a corset, one of those tightened by a young lady from a good family, which is ridiculous, but I got into it and since then, I choked on it slowly. Only Sean, he and his Irish idiocies, were able to untie it a little. He made me feel real and it was a good feeling, but he decided to get shot ... Yes, to get killed like the dog he was. Like everyone else. Dead like dogs. They, heroes other than those we read in our books, died like ordinary dogs.</p><p>How disgusting!</p><p>Just boring you. I wrote this letter just to let you know what happened to me, if ever you, or someone left of gang, wanted to know. When it happened, when everyone took their own way, I felt for a moment free from that too tight corset, you know? And for the first time in my strange life I was breathing seriously. But then ... then I entered this new hell and in reality I understood that I had only deluded myself to breathe, in reality I was drowning even more, in despair and in alcohol. Aaah come on, don't take just with whiskey, or gin, or moonshine or whatever, despair is the one that has contributed the most. Together with all those who have decided to leave us ...</p><p>My friend, my sister…because we are this: sisters!</p><p>Always think fondly of me if you can ... or want. Don't cry for me, rather remember me laughing, forever. Remember our songs, our stories, our jokes to Miss Grimshaw, our whims under those dirty curtains and the starlit sky. I finally arrived in the right place. We will meet here one day, I already see the others around the campfire waiting for me. I see Sean's toothless smile, it's so ugly and yet so beautiful. What an idiot I am. What a child, as the rotten pear said.</p><p>I'll wait here, yes yes with a bottle in hand, you know.</p><p>But you don't come right away. So from here I don't move anymore. Put it as long as you want, because I want you to tell me so many beautiful things. I want you to tell me about LIFE, as I have never known it.</p><p>I love you.</p><p>Karen.</p>
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